There are times when I wish my life were a bit easier. I have to be honest, I struggle with the same sort of things that many of my clients struggle with, that many of my friends and family struggle with. I’m certainly not exempt from these life lessons, and I do everything I can to understand what I’m being taught. The past few weeks have been loaded to the brim with big changes, challenges and the beginning steps of transformation.
My oldest daughter started Kindergarten last week. She has been in Pre-K in the past and I thought that this wouldn’t be a big deal for me. However, I found myself tearing up while my younger daughter, Felicity and I walked back to the car on the first day of school… the profound realization that of course, all children will and do grow up.
My husband Jeramie and I have had our fair share of bumps in the almost 7 years that we’ve been married as well. The past few weeks have been trying for us as we try to navigate all of the good, bad and ugly parts of marriage. When things are stressful in the world it’s inevitable that struggle will wedge itself into your marriage at times too.
There’s a part of me that wishes our marriage were a bit easier. However I know that we learn so much more and solidify our relationship with each other when we are navigating what is truly important. The stress and the quirks are what prompt us so strongly to get on the same page as each other. I don’t know a single person in a relationship that hasn’t questioned their intention, or their partners intention… or if they are in the “right” relationship. I do it at times, and so does my husband. But then I remember what I did when I put that ring on his finger, and I remember that I am in this relationship for the purpose of giving and receiving and creating more love. That serves as my guide and I move forward.
I have been consciously working on changing how I see my life. I realize that there are no accidents, no mistakes, only experiences and lessons. I realize that things are what I think. I realize that at any time, I can move toward peace and love, and away from struggle and stress… just by thinking a bit more intentionally.
I die to the past and the things that no longer serve me, and am born to what will help me thrive.
So, the month of September for me has been all about beginnings and endings… because you really can’t have one without the other can you?
My Tarot cards are picking up on this same concept as The Death card has been coming up in so many readings (for me and for others!) over the past few weeks.
There are several cards in the deck that are misunderstood. The Death card is one of them. Death is a very powerful card, and not nearly as ominous as we have made her out to be. Death is about transformation, and transformation is about growth and evolution.
For me, the Death card kept coming up reversed. I don’t mind being the guinea pig here… I know that I have a lot to learn, so we’ll talk about what this means. When Death continues to come up reversed it is saying that we are dragging some old, non-nourishing thing along into the future with us.
Death reversed says that something in your current life has run its course and it’s time to move on. It says that there is a chapter that is TRYING to end and finish itself off, but for whatever reason we’re still bringing it along for the ride. It’s like we’re keeping this exhausted person on life support, when all they really want to do is transition.
And that’s what Death is… it’s transition.
If we don’t let it die, then how will we ever transform?
We have to let go.
And honestly, it’s incredibly scary to let go of something that we’re so familiar with, and it can be painful as well. But what Death is trying to teach us, is that we can end this gracefully. We can have a good conclusion, be at peace and thank our past… because our past is what created us. We are who we are because of everything that we’ve lived. Honor that.
Celebrate that life, and then use it as your platform for rebirth.
Yesterday I was reading Tarot at the local open air market here in Norfolk VA – Riverview Village Days. If you’re local, DEFINITELY check it out!
I set up my little tent, laid out a cute shag rug and sat to give readings. Something caught my attention on the rug and I looked down to see a pretty large, kinda gross looking brown beetle creature. I jumped in my seat and tried to lightly kick it back into the dirt. It got stuck on its back, and when I looked over a few minutes later it was gone.
Within 30 minutes, I was doing another reading for someone and I felt something light on my ankle. Sure enough… I looked down and my gross bug friend was inching across my foot. I shuddered and flung my foot out and the bug with it. I’m not a huge fan of creepy crawlies.
I didn’t worry about the bug for the rest of the day, and about 3 hours later I was beginning to pack up my things and there resting on the strap of my messenger bag was a giant bright green winged bug. I called some friends over to take a look at it and we learned that it was a Cicada. Then as we looked even closer, we noticed that this Cicada was fresh, his exoskeleton also laying on my bag. The same bug that had been visiting me earlier this morning had stayed very close all day while transforming into a fascinating green cicada.
I waited for Jeramie to come help me pack up because I knew he would appreciate this new friend. I left the cicada on my bag, and Jeramie was thrilled when he saw it. He moved the bug over to a nearby oak tree, and as he moved him, noticed that the wings were still wet and fresh from shedding its skin.
Now I personally don’t believe in coincidence. I also think that the animal kingdom is very well aware of us and tries to bring messages from the Universe when we’re open to it. For a cicada to literally shed its skin while sitting on my bag next to me all day… that seemed a little odd to me.
I began asking myself what my little green friend was trying to teach me. He reminded me of the Death card. I learned a lot about cicada’s in the past 12 hours… including that they spend a great deal of time underground, and are very old insects. This reminded me that things are changing drastically in my life. That the way things have been for me, for my family, for many years of my life are dying off and being reborn.
As Jeramie hoisted the cicada onto a stick to move him to someplace safer, I realized how vulnerable the little creature was. This is part of the transformation process as well. We are vulnerable when we are dying off to these old skins. We wear this protective shell that may be less than nourishing, and one day we are finally ready to shine through and be the beautiful creature that we are supposed to be.
The cicada is also a communicator. As I type this I’m listening to their song… and there is nothing else like it. This serving as a reminder to me, that I have something to say that no one else can communicate – not how I do. It’s a reminder to my husband too, that we are on the same page, listening and learning from each other, and we can do so much good when we harmonize with each other.
This month is full of death and birth. It’s full of beautiful endings and exciting new beginnings. For the cicada, he is now above ground, set up in a huge old oak tree, free to explore. As I begin to build new roots and shed my old skin I am discovering daily all of these strong new parts of me that I want to show the world. I realize how much of a communicator I am and how my words affect people. I am embracing the Death card, embracing the new life that comes with it. I am dying off to the old ways that just don’t fit who I am anymore and embracing this amazing and beautiful version of who I am becoming.
I invite you to be vulnerable with me, my friends. I promise that this new life we are being born into will hold amazing adventures and leave us more happiness to sing about, just like the cicada.