Our Renewal

My husband and I met over 12 years ago.
It’s actually kind of funny but we met on Myspace.com. Old school… I know!
At the time I was finishing up my first year at college in Rindge NH. I had been on Myspace for several months and was starting to use it as an online dating service. I met several interesting guys, none of them were really who I was looking for, and apparently they felt the same way about me. My roommate at the time was encouraging me to just make friends on there, to network and relax a bit. Finally after one more bad conversation with another guy who wasn’t what I was looking for, I gave up. I remember saying in my mind ‘no more… this is not working for me’ and I detached from the dating service I had created in my life.

Several days passed and I got an email on Myspace from my future husband. He liked my photo and gave me his AOL Instant Messenger screen name. (More old school words!) Interesting I thought… ironic how as soon as I give up my search for a companion, one shows up in my inbox.
We spent most of our time talking online. It was like we had known each other our whole lives.  He grew up just 20 miles from my home in NY. We grew infatuated with each other through our conversations and decided to meet.
He and his best friend drove 3 hours north to my college in New Hampshire just to spend the weekend with me. I remember very clearly the minute I first saw Jeramie, the color of his shirt, the shorts he was wearing, his hat…
I watched as he walked down the stairs into the Pub I was working at at my college and a voice in my head was telling me that this was the beginning of something amazing.

We were married on October 9 2010… a sweet little backyard wedding at my grandmother’s home in Scotia NY – surrounded by our closest family and friends, with my uncle (who was ordained specially for our wedding) performing our ceremony.

Jeramie and I are probably pretty similar to many of the couples who roam this planet. We have our ups and downs, we’ve had our fair share of arguments, and there are times we question what we’re doing in our relationship. I think this is a normal piece of any intimate relationship. We spent several years each battling with our own inner demons and honestly, it was those hard years that created all of THIS…
When he and I began to pull away from the depression and the difficult times was when I started to realize that there was something very powerful to how we were thinking and the belief systems we were holding on to.

It’s pretty surprising to me how fast things have moved.
It was just about a year ago when the idea to move to Virginia surfaced with him and I. I remember that conversation vividly. He called and asked me “if I were to come down here for work, would you come…?”
I remembered thinking it was kind of a silly question… “Of course I would Jeramie. I’m your wife, we’re a family, I go where you go. We’re in this together.”

We had a very mixed bag of reactions to our move. Many people who were very happy for us, taking this big leap of faith, going out into the world and creating our own adventure. We also had a lot of sorrow, a lot of pain and loss as we left our family and our roots behind in NY.
One reaction I remember very vividly was from my friend Anne. Anne was a friend of mine at the gallery I worked at in Glens Falls NY. When I told her about our move, she was elated for me and Jeramie. Immediately she responded with “Oh Sarah, this is going to be so wonderful for you and your husband. I see you guys thriving in your marriage, reconnecting, happy and in love!!”
Her response filled me with hope for our journey and I have carried that enthusiasm with me.

In late August I began thinking about our upcoming wedding anniversary. Normally we just have a small dinner out or do something fun with the girls to celebrate the day. For whatever reason though, I thought about the possibility of renewing our wedding vows.
One of the first things that popped into my mind was ‘the seven year itch’. We were celebrating our seven year anniversary and I thought to myself that we were finally getting past that point… moving into a different phase of our marriage.
I also thought about our move. How big this year has been, full of change and transition, and all of it happening because of the love Jeramie and I have for each other to venture out into the unknown together.
I thought about the new lifestyle we’ve created down here.
I thought about the new friends.
I brought it up to him, and he agreed that renewing our vows would be a wonderful way to celebrate this year.

We renewed our vows this past weekend. We woke before the sun and drove to the beach that we’ve come to love so much. We brought the girls and some fresh flower bouquets, and the Unity candle I made for our wedding 7 years ago.

Our time on the beach Sunday morning was nothing short of magical. The sky was lit up with pink clouds, the water as calm as a small pond. We had the beach and the sand to ourselves and we sat in a small circle, just Jeramie, Adelynn, Felicity and I and talked about our love.
After about 45 minutes our eyes turned to the water and a small pod of dolphins was dancing around just off shore… adding to the magic that we had seemed to create with our renewal.

Marriage is a journey. It is an inner journey of discovering how we love. Over the years I’ve found that my love is constantly changing. I have learned through my marriage the importance of loving and finding kindness toward myself. Jeramie is my biggest teacher. I have found that so many times the love I have for him is the love I have for myself and the world around me. He is a mirror to me. When I feel that deep love for him, it radiates through me and everything I touch in the world.
I’ve learned that this type of love is not something that can be understood. It is not a love of logic and words but a love of pure emotion and feeling. There have been arguments and disagreements and times where I’ve questioned what I’m doing, and I’m sure he’s had those moments as well. But this relationship isn’t about logic, it’s about emotion and love. And for reasons I cannot understand in my mind, I’m always pulled into our love again.

As we sat on the beach and exchanged new vows after 7 years I said that what we are doing will radiate out to our little girls. Adelynn and Felicity will see how we love each other and hopefully use our love as a platform in their own lives. They will see the importance of cherishing their future partners, of being kind, of holding that space. We are always creating a ripple and these two little girls are a part of that ripple.

There are so many choices we are confronted with daily… but what I’ve been seeing more and more in my life is a choice to love, or not to love.
Jeramie and I are far from perfect, but we both embrace the fact that we chose this life, these lessons and we deliberately chose to have them with each other. We choose to love each other and to learn with each other.
Most of my life I have been presented with the choice to love or not.
I’m happy to say that I continue to choose love and renew what is important for my partner and our journey.