Experiences, Thought

I Don’t Know

Today a day unfolded before me that I had no idea would happen. On a whim, I drove my daughter Felicity out to the Outer Banks in North Carolina, had lunch and sat on the beach watching  pelicans and other fascinating sea birds play by the shore.
Why?
I’m not really sure.

On the drive out to OBX I spent a lot of time listening to some of my favorite spiritual teachers, including Marianne Williamson. Marianne touched on something that resonated with me completely. She began to speak about A Course in Miracles and the idea that we need to learn to surrender to the Universe, or God.

Marianne spoke about how we are all holding on to our plans, our agendas and goals – and it hit me that I have not the slightest idea where I am going in life.
I also realized how exhausted I am when I begin trying to forecast my future. I know many people who are amazing project managers, awesome forecasters, detail oriented folks who like itineraries, game plans, schedules, lists and intentions. With these all serving as their guides, they hit their lives with a plan.
What is the quote… “If you want to make God laugh, make plans.”
I’m not one of those people. Don’t get me wrong… I certainly have goals, but everything I know tells me that all of the things I wish for myself are teeny tiny in comparison to what God wants for me.
We are the ones who put on the breaks, we are our biggest critics, and we are the ones who stay humble, play small and never give any air time to what we could be.

Several weeks ago I had been praying for clarity. It came to me one morning in the form of a very specific prayer. God, help me become the woman I am meant to be.
This prayer has continued in my life over the past 2 weeks or so as I hone in on what it really means.
It means that I have incredible potential to do and be THAT woman. It means that I am just getting started and that it’s time to walk right through those amazing open doors.
It means that I’m pretty freaking oblivious to what I’m meant to do because it’s incredibly specific, and custom to me.
It means that I can’t yet put a title on what I want, who I am, or where I’m going… just like I never could have guessed that my morning would end on a beach in Kill Devil Hills in North Carolina.

I think this is a good thing. Even as a little girl (and as an adult!), I never wanted to know what I was getting for Christmas because nothing thrills me more than a good surprise.
I think that backing off from all the plans and managed projects is the best thing I can do in my life right now. It’s time to let go and let God. I have faith that I am guided and I certainly believe that there is a vast untapped potential and a very custom path that is meant specifically for me.

So with that, I end on this note… ignorance is bliss and I am happy to declare that I know nothing about where I’m going.

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