Experiences, Poetry, Thought

My Dear Ludo

You were never an ordinary dog.
Never.
Not once, even a little bit.
And I know, we all say that about all of our dogs…

But – you came to us flying through the sky
A burgundy red cream puff
A Taurean bull in disguise as Dog
Or maybe God.
You wobbled when you walked because you insisted on being different
And your hips needed helping because you were so large and in charge
Like when you demanded we let you polish off an entire bag of Smartfood Popcorn… dammit!

And you began “us”
No longer just Jeramie and Sarah
Jeramie, Sarah and Ludo.
Then add Luna
Then add Adelynn
Then add Felicity.
(And maybe a few kitties)

You came with us wherever we went
Come hell or high water
Good times or bad
Like the high water wave that washed you out on the coast of New Hampshire…
But like a God, you forgave us with your fluffy red webbed paws.

And you signed up for sledding
In the snowy woods wherever
Except when we tried to go to Hildene to honor Honest Abe – because animals aren’t allowed there
(maybe not even wild wolves)
So we’ll go elsewhere.
From a little teal apartment
To a wedding party in the yard
Posing with you, and Luna, daddy and I…
Precious pears in your guard.

Then on to the triangle house
Nestled soft in the woods
Where you could relax a bit more
Snuggled up cozy by the fireplace “Bruce”
Upside down sleeping on your own private couch
Covered in crinkle cut white Ludo undercoat hairs
How do they show up everywhere??
**Please continue to sprinkle them around**

But the adventure isn’t over my friend…
Are you up for a really long car ride south?
We’ll explore the beach and the surf and the sand
We’ll give you a big yard to lope around
And moongaze from…
Because you have become fond of looking at the night sky in the middle of the night
Until you let out a big long “woo woo!!!” and wake me up to come and get you
Go back to bed Bud.

And just like God, Dog will forgive
For a few months when we didn’t really know how or where to live
You forgave us.
You were ready to end gracefully.
And you snuggled in downstairs on a warm cozy Ludo bed
Took over the kitchen to make sure the meals were all prepared
With love
And just in case I dropped something on the floor
You’d be there in the slow nick of time
To grab what I left for you my friend.

And the days started to blur
Into long sleepy weeks
And the snow started to fall
And you still wanted time to moon gaze
So I might grumble a bit at 2:22 in the a.m. when you pull me with your “woo-ing” out of bed
But I know that time is important to you.

And maybe because you insist on being up at night to meditate with the stars
That’s why I know you’re okay now where you are.
You slept long into the afternoon hours
And you cried out softly as your body tired
And my heart cried out softly in my chest
As I knew the chapter we were nearing.

And I know it sounds silly… but you know who I am
I pulled cards for you my boy.
Yes, I did.
And on top of the pain and the struggle… lay a sleepy man smiling at The World.
The World… the successful conclusion card
The end of the life lessons.

And I thought I knew, but I didn’t want to know…
So when it was growing closer
To the time to go
I pulled a few more just to see.
Never has a reading shocked me like that
Until I pulled these….

….The World, the conclusion, with Death over top, the transition and changing of chapters. The Star of God, or Dog in this case… the divine sitting with blessings all around. The Hermit reversed saying you must go within. 

You hold on to us so tight.
Like we hold tight to you –
You Taurean bull… you can’t be so stubborn, you must do what is right for you.

So I’ll cry into your fur as your sleepy eyes close
And I’ll hold Jeramie’s hand – in your paw – in my hand
And I’ll hold my heart open for the next chapter we face
Without our big Ludo holding space
Your eyes close softly and the pain for you is gone
As you emerge into bliss and peace and grace.

My heart feels a hole when I go to your place
But I know that my work is to find you in another way
Like when you know in the morning it’s time to go out
And stare at the stars and the moon.
Last night, the moon was staring at me
While I slept in the midst of my confusing dreams
But I think it was you trying to help me… help me see
You’re not gone Bud
You’re here… it’s just different now.

And I promise I’ll honor your soul
I promise to look where you actually are
And I know that it was your time to go.
I have faith eternal that we’ll meet again
My dear friend
The one that began
This family of mine.

Thank you dear Ludo, for this amazing life.

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