Dear Santa…

Not to be confused with the funny 2024 Holiday movie starring Jack Black as Satan… it’s that time of year.
(That movie was really touching, btw.)
((As was Nutcrackers, with Ben Stiller… unrelated))

For over a decade, since I’ve been a ‘grown up’ I write a yearly letter to Santa. At times, the letters were more material. A friend of mine joked the other day when I encouraged her to break out her fanciest pen and wish list
“just ask for piles of cash right??”
We’ve all written that letter a time or two.

But as I look around my house, which is brimming with clutter, Holiday related and not, too many pairs of boots, mismatched socks, decorations that may or may not come out this year, trinkets collecting dust, and a few insurance copays that I still have to get to — it seems like money and stuff isn’t really the most important thing on my list to Santa.

If I’m being honest, and I tend to be when I sit down at my keyboard… this year has been incredibly difficult. I have had changes in my job and income that have hurt my family finances, and a lot of my personal pride. I have had direction and then lost it, over and over and over again.
My husband and I have had our ups and downs, and some of the downs seemed like they may be reaching for Jack Black down in the underworld. And then we’ve come back to resurface and find hope, again. I’d like to think that’s what happens after almost 20 years together.
I’ve done some deep inner work. I’ve looked at some of my old pains, some of my wounds and tried to cleanse them with tears of humility and honest reflection.
I’ve tried to be a good momma… and I know, at times, hopefully less than half the time, I’ve failed to give our daughters what they really need – usually a hug.

About a month ago, I went on a meditation retreat, to my favorite local (to me) place in the Catskills, The Peace Village. I spent two days in silence, and emerged with some profound realizations… that I needed to forgive and ask for forgiveness.

After four years, I finished the teachings of A Course in Miracles.
I began meditating regularly again.

It’s been a year.

Last week, our youngest daughter was sitting at her window, staring out into the snow, writing her letter to Santa. She looked far away. She told me… “I don’t really know what to ask Santa for, Mom…”
She’s a wise soul.
The things she put on her list, toys, and another cat, seemed simple enough, (not exactly the CAT…) but I wonder where her head and heart were when I walked into her bedroom while she was writing.

Last night, I was working on my stack of Christmas cards and I pulled an oracle card to include in a holiday card for a friend of mine. When I pulled the deck out, I noticed the bottom card had a quote, that struck me.

The Key to prayer, is to forget what I think I need.

I think of my letter to Santa. I think of my daughter’s letter to Santa. I didn’t ask for things…
I asked for a feeling, for change in me, for understanding. And a lot of other ethereal things that have been illusive over the years… and then I go back to that quote.
The Key to prayer, is to forget what I think I need.
Santa probably knows exactly what I need… probably more so than I ever do.

We’ll be happy if we get the new toy. We’ll be happy if we get a promotion. We’ll be happy if we take a vacation, or win the lottery, or a million other outside things that we think will help us feel good. We’ll be happy if THEY give us something we don’t have.
But that’s the kicker friends… my daughter didn’t know what to ask for, because she knows she has it all already.

What if what we’re given for Christmas is invisible?
What if Santa’s bag is light when he visits, because what we’re gifted IS understanding.
IS a line in a movie that helps us relate to our overworked spouse.
IS change in our heart.
IS clarity in our mind.
IS a decision to help us move forward in a new auspicious direction.
IS strength.
IS humility.
IS love…
These things… that we all already possess inside of us, maybe he brings them out and shows them to us, yet again.

I’ve stumbled on a theory about Santa… he is happy, eternal, loving, because he is giving to us unconditionally. Regardless of naughty or nice. He knows what we need. And so, we keep sending him our letters… humbly realizing on Christmas morning, we have what we really need.

Maybe, part of my gift this year, will be learning and implementing the lessons I’ve learned.

Santa, my friend, that would be a beautiful gift that touches not just me, but everyone else around.