Confession

I let the phone gently hit the floor
With a dull and crashing thud
It had to be done
I was glued to the thing
And paying attention to superficial me
Worried about likes and loves
It’s irrelevant you see

I’m banging my head up against the wall
On a rather regular basis
I’ve forgotten my job because nothing pays in full
And the rent is split in two
Showing signs of fail
Overdue.
In my heart I scream
Get me out of this horrible dream.

It’s the fear of spending
Where will it come from?
If I pay that bill and then it’s all gone
What if no one wants a life coach who
Can’t get HER OWN life to do what she wants it to?

I cannot see what my work is here
See piles of folded laundry
See dinner filling hungry tummies
See homework and working through tears
(The same math problems I battled for years)
I can’t see the value of all these things
But it must be in them?
True?
If someone else doesn’t do them…

Will you?

Of course I will!
But I’m drowning you see
Because I want to help more financially
I see signs of lack everywhere I look
And things that need fixing after she reads me a book
But then when I look and turn around
I see burnout and struggle from another realm
Of not enough time instead of not enough dimes
I see anger and resentment boiling over in rhyme
If I give up my job as mom… this all goes to shit
Like a domestic life bomb.

There has to be another way.
There has to be another way.
There has to be a way for me
To harness my creativity
To honor my authenticity
To be who I am, and help financially
If I can live by example
I can show the world
That you can have what you want in monetary goals
And you can have it all with ease
And just allowing you to be
Who you are naturally
When you harness your creativity

If you do what you love
What you love will be you
And abundance abounds in all that you do
In dollars and cents, in time well spent
In loved ones and happiness and paying the rent
It’s not all or nothing
The trick to this all
Isn’t to paint yourself into the corner of a wall

It’s to honor your gifts
Do what you love
Do those things that fit YOU like a glove
For me it’s this
Reading cards
Speaking truths
It’s holding the space as you become you
It’s a gentle math teacher
Patient and kind
And a wonderful dinner prepared with just enough time
To sit on the couch with the ones I hold dear
And know that there’s resources abundantly clear

It’s going to be alright
I’ll say with a smile
Though I’m glad the phone fell
I needed a while.
To sit in the soft warm creative glow
And gently allow these words to flow
Like they do for me…
I’m lucky you see,
Words are part of my creativity.

Labor with love
I learned months ago
This is what will make your life so
Happy that you can burst inside
Because you’re now living
An Authentic
Creative
Peaceful
Life.